We make paper. Sometimes we make jokes.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret. You don’t have to do any of that. You can skip the big fancy venue and the high priced gourmet dinner. You can forget about the towering cake no one will eat and the expensive clothing you’ll never wear again. You can have it in your backyard with just your immediate family and a cooler full of beer. Or you can have it with just the two of you. Because in the end, if you’re not happy simply saying “I do” to the person you love, then maybe you shouldn’t get married at all.

How to Not Have a Wedding: a wedding guide from someone who has never gotten married and has the emotional range of a block of cheese in the microwave.